7 Creepy McDonald's Characters You Completely Forgot Existed

You're probably all too familiar with Ronald McDonald and his creepy clown smile, but Ronnie isn't the only mascot the chain has dreamed up. Reach waaaaay back into your brain — back to when McDonald's had the best Happy Meal toys, you hadn't yet discovered this French fry hack, and having a birthday party at the Play Place was a BFD — and you might recall these ragtag characters on your Happy Meal box.

The Rundown: While Grimace's species is unclear, we do know this: He's a success story in the world of McDonaldland, and a true testament to what can happen when you've got the right people in your corner of the ball pit. The purple blob formerly known as "Evil Grimace" was originally running with the wrong crowd, always stealing milkshakes with his multiple, grabby arms. Recognizing that Grimace was downright terrifying to children, the McDonald's crew changed his ways and brought him over to the good side, symbolically reducing the number of his snatchy arms from four to two in the process.

M.O.: Steal all the milkshakes. (But really, can you blame him?)

Kryptonite: Complete sentences. Begins most thoughts with the word 'duh.'

Superpower: Karma chameleon! Grimace changed his ways and was welcomed into the McDonaldland fold in the early '70s.

The Rundown: Essentially functions as the McDonaldland community garden, but tastier.

M.O.: Provides fuel to a very hungry Ronald McDonald, who both befriends and eats the talking hamburgers willy-nilly whenever hungry (because that's totally normal for a kids' cartoon).

Kryptonite: They foolishly believe Ronald McDonald is a friend, until Ronald's got his teeth sunk into them and they realize he's nothing but a clown-faced, burger-loving foe in sheep's clothes! Nothing happy about this meal, kids.

Superpower: Can talk to humans, shed wisdom, and spread merriment throughout McDonaldland.

The Rundown: The Goblins bear a striking resemblance to Koosh Balls, thanks to their shaggy, shoestring fringe. I suspect this was an intentional choice, designed to hide their shifty, fry-eyeing gazes. Appropriately enough, they were later renamed, 'The Fry Guys.'

M.O.: Steal all the French fries.

Kryptonite: Friiiies! (Me too, Goblins. Me too).

Superpower: Extra-long legs and ultra-skinny arms let them snatch fries nimbly and quickly.

The Rundown: Quite literally 'The Big Cheese,' Mayor McCheese runs the show in McDonaldland. He's got the keys to the Golden Arches, the deed for the Apple Pie Tree Grove, and a dock on Filet 'O Fish Lake. If you wanna be somebody in this town, this is burg to know.

M.O.: Not much for real policy change, Mayor McCheese is more about shaking hands and posing for pics with Ronald than anything else. Though he is extremely proud of McDonaldland's beautiful food flora and amazing vanilla swirl vistas.

Kyrponite: His own hamburger head. If McD's lore is to be believed, he once fell victim to the Hamburglar, who couldn't resist chomping down on his head.

Superpower: Diplomacy! And dip-plomacy (never met a sauce he didn't like).

The Rundown: The official peacekeeper of McDonaldland, Officer Big Mac is Mayor McCheese's right hand man, chief advisor, and the main elected official of this burger 'burb.

M.O.: Officer Mac's main concern is keeping everyone in line in McDonaldland. Catch him directing traffic at the roundabout.

Kryptonite: Hamburglar and Captain Crook, AKA the Hook-esque version of Hamburglar, whose main goal in life is stealing Filet-O-Fish sandwiches

Superpower: With the body of a man and the head of a burger, Officer Big Mac really is the best of both worlds.

The Rundown: Research shows that Birdie the Early Bird has a pretty baffling origin story, and was the first female McDonaldland character. Her early bird nature is no accident, either; she was designed to promote McDonald's new breakfast menu in the 1980s. And though it would appear that birdie has an additional pair of eyes on the top of her head, closer inspection reveals that they're actually flight goggles. You know, for soaring through those golden arches.

M.O.: Begs for food on the street and charms people into sharing their precious McD's!

Kryptonite: Totally clumsy and ungraceful

Superpower: Always manages to be up with sun and thus always makes it to McDonald's' before they stop serving breakfast (though, since the fast food Gods opened their hearts and gave us breakfast all day a few years ago, this one isn't quite as super anymore)