It’s tough to have pleasant mealtime conversations these days

I heard this story from a friend, who heard it from another friend, which is my way of saying that I have no firsthand knowledge of what truly transpired. Some details may have been embellished. So, with that disclaimer out of the way, let’s agree to think of this anecdote as true-ish.

Several weeks ago, a few women met for lunch at a popular cafe in an upscale Miami neighborhood. To accommodate everyone’s varied risk tolerances, they chose to eat outside. Umbrella drinks were ordered, appetizers shared. Good-natured complaints about the humidity elicited guffaws and giggles.

At some point, though, the conversation turned to vaccines. And it came to light that one of the women was not vaccinated and had no intention of doing so — ever. She would take her chances with COVID-19, she said. After all, she was healthy. She was careful. She wore her mask pretty much everywhere.

One of the guests, whose unvaccinated brother-in-law had spent two weeks in an ICU unit, was appalled. She lectured. She called the anti-vaxxer selfish. Others cited all the very good scientific reasons to take the shot. Eventually, someone managed to change the topic, but the congeniality had seeped out of the gathering like air from a blow-up mattress. Later, the friend of my friend said she decided that this would be the last time she’d get together with the anti-vaxxer.

I suspect this story has been repeated in some form elsewhere. Navigating this new phase of the pandemic has become a diplomatic challenge, especially since death and hospitalization are avoidable with a simple prick of a needle. This drama is not much different from those heated debates during the 2020 election, when relatives argued politics without changing anyone’s mind.

The story about the lunch gone awry has convinced me that we’re running out of benign conversation subjects. No topic feels safe. Everything is fodder for argument. We all know best. We all claim facts. We all have dug in our heels, and self-righteousness has become the default setting. It’s exhausting, really.

Consider the subject of weather. Who among us hasn’t made some innocuous comment about it? In fact, weather is one of my favorite go-to talking points in a room full of strangers. But these days, you can’t be too careful.

There’s the matter of climate change. Of sea level rise. Of fires and droughts and hurricanes. Of the rich muscling in to buy up property on high ground, making once-affordable neighborhoods out of reach for the rest of us.

Pro sports? Forget that topic too. I recently had an uncomfortable exchange with a die-hard football fan who raged on and on about the NFL’s policies. He vowed to never again attend a football game or cheer for his hometown team — and that stance had nothing to do with an ill-conceived player trade or an idiotic call at the end of a hard-fought matchup.

He was insulted by the kneeling during the national anthem. Chagrined by the players choosing to display slogans on the backs of their helmets. Incensed by the decision to play “Lift Ev’ry Voice and Sing,” known as the Black national anthem, during pre-game ceremonies.

I truly hadn’t expected to be tackled in this manner. Now I know.

The subject of food can also be a minefield of problematic issues. I’ve been taken to task about eating red meat, about allowing the massacre of caged animals bred for human consumption, about indulging in chocolate which everyone knows is harvested by forced child labor. It’s enough to make me lose my appetite.

Right now, all I want is to find a pleasant mealtime topic, one that won’t make anyone lunge across the table to drive home a point. Sadly, I can’t think of one. Even family triumphs are out of bounds, but only because my grandchildren’s achievements are so much more glorious than everyone else’s.

Ana Veciana-Suarez writes about family and social issues. Email her at avecianasuarez@gmail.com or visit her website anavecianasuarez.com. Follow @AnaVeciana.