Is money still a taboo? Why not talking can hurt your finances

People share everything on social media these days — with the possible exception of their money woes.

In fact, people would rather talk about pretty much anything else rather than finances, according to a Wells Fargo survey released earlier this year. The Financial Health study found that 44 per cent of Americans say that personal finance is the most challenging subject to discuss with others, even more than death (38 per cent), politics (35 per cent), religion (32 per cent), taxes (21 per cent) and personal health (20 per cent).

That’s all despite the significant stress money can cause. Thirty-nine per cent of those surveyed say money is the biggest stress in their life, with 33 per cent saying they losing sleep over money.

What makes money so taboo?

“With money, you’re really revealing your own internal traits in a lot of ways,” says Tom Hamza, president of the Investor Education Fund, which runs a consumer financial literacy website called GetSmarterAbout Money.ca. “It reflects how much money you make, which is a reflection of status, and how you spend it, which reflects your self-control. Money can summarize in some people’s minds a lot of what they do in their lives.”

Vancouver certified money coach Kathryn Mandelcorn with Money Coaches Canada notes that some people avoid the topic because they dread looking at the numbers; others simply don’t know any other way.

“A lot of us grew up in a generation where you didn’t talk about money; it just wasn’t done,” Mandelcorn says. “A lot of us are still carrying that.

“But people want more and more these days and may be living beyond their means or are worried about debt and may need perspective, and how that happens is by having conversations.”

Having open dialogue with friends, colleagues, and relatives can help people become better at managing their own money, financial experts agree.

“When it comes to things like dating or buying a car or raising children, we learn from other people’s experiences,” Hamza says. “It’s the same thing with finances. So many of us learn about financial products from people trying to sell us those products, and that’s not necessarily the best way.”

Why talking it out can help

Canadian Foundation for Economic Education president Gary Rabbior says that opening up about finances helps people realize they’re not alone in whatever problems they may be facing.

“There are likely things you wonder about -- and if you’re doing things right and if your decisions are sound -- and by talking with others, you can get a greater sense of confirmation about your money decisions and actions or find that you may have reason to be concerned and that you might want to change course of alter your decisions,” Rabbior says.

“You may feel you are unique and experiencing challenges that others don’t face whereas in reality, there are likely many others facing the same decisions and challenges that you are, and that can bring some comfort and help,” he adds.

Besides learning from other people’s experiences and reducing your money-related anxiety, talking about money with others can shed new light on your own circumstances.

“They may ask you questions that you haven’t been asked before that make you think,” Rabbior says. “Their questions or comments may result in greater insight into you situation or make you think about things differently or think about things you haven’t thought about before.”

Keeping things secret can also result in a lack of accountability. “By talking with others about money, you can establish something of a personal benchmark to which you might seek to do better over time as you talk with them in the future,” Rabbior says. “You may hold yourself more personally accountable regarding your money situation and money decisions by having some degree of third party accountability via discussions you have had with others.”

If it feels awkward to talk money, Mandelcorn suggests changing the starting point.

“Talking about money doesn’t need to be all about the numbers,” Mandelcorn says. “Start by talking about what your dreams are and what kind of life you want to live. What’s important to you? What are your values?

“Instead of saying ‘We have so much debt,’ change it to ‘We want to be debt-free.’ That makes it so much easier to talk about,” she adds. “It’s a mindset shift. It’s so important to get the conversation rolling.”