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To tip or not to tip? How to avoid gratuity gaffes and bonus blunders

Despite a long history, dating at least as far back as Tudor England, tipping remains one of the most awkward and confusing aspects of our everyday economic exchanges. Figuring out the intricacies, though, is easier than you might expect, according to the founder of the Etiquette School of New York, Patricia Fitzpatrick. “Tipping is something we do to show our gratitude for service, especially when it’s personal, to give a little something extra. The thing of it is,” she said in an interview with Yahoo Finance Canada, “is that almost every service person gets tipped… if they spend a lot of time, and if they take a lot of extra care.”

Movers, massage therapists, delivery drivers, door attendants and cleaning staff are all a yes for on-the-spot tips, but there are exceptions to the rule. Cultural differences are the biggest influence, so don’t assume that tipping rituals will be the same wherever you head on your next big trip. In Finland and Japan it is considered rude to tip in a restaurant. In France and Costa Rica, a service charge-style tip is included in most restaurant bills, and it’s often expected of diners (especially tourists) to leave an added amount for good service.

Even here in North America, not everyone knows what the rules are for offering a bonus. During her first move in New York with her husband, before she became the tipping maven she is today, Fitzpatrick had belongings “practically held hostage” by movers until she realized they were holding out for a tip. Ideally, though, we tip as a way to show gratitude for the personal attention someone has shown us—not because we’re being ransomed or pressured. The movers take extra care of the most breakable boxes and wear those little booties so they don’t mess up your carpets. Your masseuse knows just the right amount of pressure to apply to that knot in your right hip.

Tipping is often a way to make up for an industry with traditionally low wages, like table service in a restaurant or cleaning service at a hotel. Not only do these people take our personal desires and comfort into account, but their paychecks show little for this effort. Give a gratuity to your handyman, but not your plumber. You tip the person who comes to your home to clean and debug your computer, but not the salesperson who sold it to you. When someone helps you with groceries to your car, or delivers them to your home, Fitzpatrick suggests tipping up to $1 per bag, but you don’t tip the person who checks you out at the register.

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Many companies forbid their employees from accepting gratuities, while others have limits on the value a tip or gift they can receive, but in general, anyone who offers you personalized service is safe to tip. Unless they are members of a professional society or working out of a professional office, like doctors (and nurses), psychologists, lawyers, accountants, electricians or architects, you shouldn’t have to worry about causing offense.

Standard tips, even outside of restaurants, are in the realm of 15-20 per cent in Canada, dependent on the level of service you receive. This means that if you call out for food delivery in a blizzard, you should compensate your service provider accordingly. A one-time tip for a handyman, a cleaner, or mover might be anywhere from $5 to $20 depending on the amount of effort involved in the job. Account for staff changeover by tipping regularly. Tip the newspaper delivery person each time you pay to renew your subscription, instead of just at Christmas. Leave money in an envelope on your hotel pillow every day during your trip, instead of just on checkout.

If you are ever unsure if tipping is appropriate, you can always ask. Researching ahead of time is less awkward, but if you’re caught off guard, don’t shy away from the question. Fitzpatrick admits that even she feels weird asking someone if it’s okay to tip them. “My husband hates hanging pictures or paintings. So when I moved to a new apartment a few years ago, I actually hired outside people to come and hang them for me.” They were professionals, she said, but they were definitely providing her a service. So she asked, “Do you accept gratuities?” They replied, “Well, if you’d like to…” and she had her answer, as simple as that. “I wasn’t completely comfortable asking in that situation, but I would have felt more uncomfortable if I didn’t give them something.”

Tipping is our way of recognizing that we have been seen and cared for in some way. It may not be the best model of merit-based income, but it’s the model we have. Do some research, inquire with friends, or ask your service providers directly. Don’t leave people working hard for your tips empty-handed.