Geneva 2012: And the ugliest cars in show go to...

Renault is describing the Twizy as ‘the Joker in the pack’ of its zero-emission cars, and you’re certainly likely to see one or two people pointing and laughing. The open doors look like little bunny rabbit ears and the pod-type body that the driver will sit in looks cartoonish at best.

When Porsche facelifted the Cayenne they made it much less visually oppressive, so it’s a shame the tuning houses couldn’t leave it alone. The designers at FAB Design have excelled themselves not only with hideous black & white wheels but an equally vile double wheel arch body kit look.

On the one hand, you have to applaud Dacia for giving buyers a really keenly-priced set of options using bits from the Renault parts bin. On the other hand, the Lodgy isn’t pretty. A huge body and tiny wheels are practical, yes, but not exactly great for boosting your street cred.

The Mercedes SLS AMG Roadster is a lovely-looking car. The Hamann Hawk Roadster isn’t. Aside from the utterly tasteless red-rimmed black alloy wheels there’s a carbon fibre bonnet – always a no-no for a road car – and a body kit that, especially around the rear end, looks like a cheap catalogue special.

Whoever thought that the VW Beetle needed to look more aggressive must be a bit of a joker. Giving a Beetle headlight ‘eyebrows’ to make it look mean is like giving a Teletubby a .44 Magnum and a cigar. It’s not big, it’s not clever and it definitely looks rubbish.

Although it’s clearly interested in winning some sales in Europe, Tata has bigger consumer fish to fry in rapidly-expanding Asian markets. That might go some way to explaining why the Manza has a passing resemblance to cars like the old Suzuki Liana that European buyers were laughing at 10 years ago.

Another monstrous Cayenne customisation is the Gemballa Tornado. Most things about it, from the part-green seats and steering wheel to the green and black two-tone wheels and the black side panels is just awful. Even the choice of green is a bad one. At least the body kit could be worse.

Yet again, Hamann has broken the rules of tasteful modifying. This two-tone Evoque takes an essentially stylish car and ruins it. Completely. A body kit that looks like someone forgot to paint it makes the whole car look tacky enough to be at the top of every footballer’s wife’s must-have list.

Another dishonourable mention has to go to Tata, who in penning the Safari Storme seem to have used the Lada book of car design. It looks big but feeble, like it might just fall over at the first sign of either a safari or a storm, with or without the bash plate.

Here’s a lesson in how many things you can conceivably get wrong in one car design. The Ypsilon’s headlights, tail lights, two-tone paint job, main grille, bonnet shape, wheels and lower grille are all designs that should have been binned at the first chance. The whole front end is woefully ugly.