Does He Love Me? 10 Signs Your Spouse Is Still Head Over Heels for You

All marriages change with time, and it's normal (even desirable) for the insane passion of your early years together to settle into a relaxed companionship. When you’re in your twenties, you’ll be focused on sharing your values and personal goals, and figuring out how to support one another as you begin to combine your lives. It’s an exciting time in your relationship that will evolve as you enter your thirties, when both people will have to become a little more flexible as kids (maybe!) and other substantial life changes enter the picture. In your forties and fifties, you may have to try even harder to fight for a happy marriage, which could include seeing a couple's therapist.

These shifts are natural parts of life, but they can still lead many to believe that their partners have fallen out of love. While it’s true that most long-term marriages will have areas that could be improved, comparing things to the early days isn’t the best way to gauge how your spouse feels about you. According to Stan Tatkin, a psychologist and author of Wired for Love, it’s likely not the case that your spouse has fallen out of love, but rather that they are expressing their love in different or more subtle ways. This includes everything from their body language, to how they argue, to their attitude towards the date night activities you want to do. Here, he and other experts offer several subtle signs that your husband is still madly in love with you.

When he's sitting across from you at dinner, he's not on his phone or glancing elsewhere. He's looking you right in the eyes, attentively listening to everything you have to say. According to research by psychologist Zick Rubin, couples who are deeply in love with each other look at each other 75 percent of the time, while regular people conversing only look at one another 30-60 percent of the time. In other words, strong eye contact shows that he's truly interested in everything you have to say.

It's easy to take this as a sign of disinterest, but Paul Coleman, a psychologist and author of Finding Peace When Your Heart Is in Pieces, says that when men are in love, they usually appear less enthusiastic than women do. This is because of their lower levels of serotonin, according to research published in the Journal of Psychophysiology. "The amount of serotonin you have in your body as a woman makes you act happy and show it more," Coleman tells Woman's Day. "But because men's levels aren't as high, they don't feel the need to do that — they're happy showing you love by agreeing to do whatever it is you want to do, even if it's just sitting next to you and watching TV." Rather than being frustrated because you're the one coming up with date night ideas, look at it as an opportunity to branch out and try something different.

It's part of the norm to call each other "babe" or "honey" throughout the day, but Tatkin says that if he says your first name in the midst of sex, it's a sign that he's fully present in the moment with you and doesn't want to be intimate with anyone else. Another clue is eye contact in the bedroom, as Tatkin says it shows that he's interested and only thinking about you.

When you first got together, he couldn't keep his hands off of you, no matter the time of day. If you've been married for many years, it's possible that this is no longer the case. Not to worry, Tatkin says, as he may just express his love differently.

"At the beginning of all successful relationships, the constant excitement of new love produces a lot of dopamine, which is the same neurotransmitter that's stimulated when a drug addict takes their drug of choice," he explains. "It's exhilarating, but temporary."

Quiet love, on the other hand, comes into the picture when that exhilaration starts to fade. "It's a calm but alert state couples get into when they're fully relaxed and engaged with one another," he says. So, he still loves you, he just shows it in other ways.

We can all think of a time when your best friend was having a party and your husband truly didn't want to go. But how did he react? If he doesn't give you grief, then he's showing you love.

"When you say that you really want him with you and then he just puts on his party clothes without grumbling, he's putting aside his own preferences and tastes to make you happy," Sophia Dembling, author of Introverts in Love: The Quiet Way to Happily Ever After, tells Woman's Day. He wouldn't do that if he didn't love you, proving that sometimes what he doesn't say speaks louder than what he does.

Another way he proves that he's still head over heels for you is by letting you win an argument. "He puts you ahead of having to be right because he knows that any delay in fixing misunderstandings or hurt feelings can lead to a long-lasting memory that doesn't bode well for your future," Tatkin says. So when he throws up a white flag, he's not doing it out of laziness — he just doesn't want to see you upset. Next time you find yourself in this situation, take a step back and consider whether it's more important to be right or resolve the issue.

We're all guilty of being glued to our phones. But when your husband actively cuts technology out of his daily routine to spend time with you, it's a sign that he still wants to connect, Fawn Weaver, author of Happy Wives Club, tells Woman's Day. "When a man loves a woman, no matter how demanding his job, he knows how to put his phone down, close his laptop, and give his undivided attention," she says. "There is a consistent effort to put his love ahead of his career and friends."

Now, that doesn't mean he's going to drop what he's doing at the exact second you want him to (he's not at your beck and call), but if he makes a concerted effort to carve out quality time for the two of you without tech, then he's still very much into you.

When you've been together for years, it's obvious that your husband knows your likes and dislikes. But if you want to know if he loves you, see how he adjusts to your "irritation triggers."

"If he knows the three or four things that will always hurt you or put you off balance, and then knows just what to do to either avoid them or get you up and running again when they do happen, then consider him your antidote," Tatkin says.

So rather than picking a fight because it's "your turn" to take care of the dishes, you're more likely to find him loading up the machine before bed. Just remember to return the favor and handle something that drives him batty — or at least consider taking dish duty as a thank you, because we bet he doesn't love that chore, either.

Sure, every couple has those drag-out fights, but even in the darkest of times, your husband never says the word "divorce." Tatkin explains that a happy husband doesn't threaten his relationship even when he's upset, frustrated, or incredibly angry.

"Nothing good can come from threatening the relationship or making you feel like it may not exist in the near future," Tatkin says. Instead, he's learned how to communicate through issues healthily, because of course, you'll still have a few fights here and there.

Though you may rule the household with shared Google calendars and group text messages, if your husband still makes an effort to surprise you with things he knows will brighten your day, then he still loves you lots, Weaver says.

"This isn't about expensive gifts. Oftentimes it's something as simple as bringing home a favorite candy or carton of ice cream, or picking up tickets when you mentioned you wanted to see a certain movie," she says. The point is that he's thinking of ways to keep your relationship fresh and fun, and showing you that he still remembers the little things that make you smile.

Even if you lost track of how many times he’s said “I love you” years ago, you probably never get tired of hearing those three little words. According to Jaime Bronstein, a relationship therapist, coach, and host of “Love Talk Live” on LA Talk Radio, saying these words isn’t just a force of habit. “Many husbands out there get tired of saying 'I love you' and eventually stop, or they say it a lot less frequently,” Bronstein tells Woman's Day. That means that when he does express this genuinely, he knows how important these words are, and what it means to you to hear them.

Not everything will be the same as the early days of the relationship, but Bronstein points out that it’s special to continue some gestures throughout the years. “When you're in the middle of your busy day at work, you get called to the reception desk for a 'delivery' and get surprised because your husband has sent you a dozen roses just because it's 'Tuesday,' you know that he is still head over heels for you," she says. By returning to early traditions, he’s showing you that he feels just as strongly about you now as he did back then.

When your husband shows that he wants you to feel protected, safe, and loved, you know he’s coming from a place of deep affection. Some examples of this, according to Bronstein, include, “When you're walking down the street, he walks closer to the curb. He asks you to call him whenever you get somewhere so that he knows you got there safely. He carries things that are too heavy for you, and he captures scary spiders when they're about to "attack" you!” By always having your back, your husband is demonstrating that your wellbeing is his priority.

As every relationship evolves, so too do the individuals in it. “The right partner is by your side for whatever new endeavor you take on. Whether it's a new hobby, or a career change, in a healthy relationship your partner will encourage you to grow and take risks," Dr. Morgan Anderson, relationship coach and clinical psychologist, tells Woman's Day. If he’s continually curious about who you are and who you want to become, it’s a sign he really does care.

Initially in a relationship, it seems like both people are constantly doing things to make the other person happy, but sometimes this can fade. If your spouse is still making a conscious effort to be thoughtful, then you know he’s still madly in love.

Jamie Bronstein tells Woman’s Day, “You know that your man is still in love with you if he picks up your favorite latte at the out-of-the-way coffee shop (and he doesn't even drink coffee) just to see the smile that it brings to your face!” So before you take a cup of coffee for granted, think about the meaning behind it!

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