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A US tennis player who's made $7 million describes how anxiety changed his career, and how he overcame it
(Al Bello/Getty Images)
Veteran American tennis player Mardy Fish lost to 18th-seeded Felicano Lopez in five sets in the second round of the US Open on Wednesday, marking the end of the long and impressive career of the former No. 10 player in the world.
Fish announced his retirement prior to the tournament.
During the final two sets it was standing room only at Louis Armstrong Stadium. Chants for Fish echoed out around the stadium, as if people wanted to prolong not just the match but Fish's career, too. In the final two games of the fifth set, the 33-year-old started to cramp, and after the final game he could only limp to net to shake hands with Lopez.
But that Fish was even able to play in the 2015 US Open is a real victory in itself. In 2012, the Minnesota native began suffering from anxiety attacks so serious that he had to withdraw before his fourth-round match against Rodger Federer at the US Open. In 2012 at a tournament in Miami, heart palpitations resulting from his anxiety were so severe that he had to be hospitalized.
"I was basically getting anxiety attacks every 30 minutes of the day at that time," he told USA Today. "That was the worst of it. They would just never stop."
His anxiety ultimately led him to stop playing tennis almost entirely. But therapy, medication, and — according to Fish, most importantly — talking openly about his mental-health difficulties led him back to the game and to the second round of the US Open.
Fish wrote about the importance of open conversation in the Players' Tribune this week:
"Talking about it — and keeping the conversation going, and going, and going — is also part of that. Mental health is not a very easy thing to talk about in sports. It’s not perceived as very masculine. We’re so trained to be 'mentally tough,' in sports. To show weakness, we’re told, in so many words, is to deserve shame."
In that same piece, Fish acknowledged that his story wouldn't end like a movie, with him walking off into the sunset with the trophy.
"I’m not going to win the tournament," Fish wrote. "But that’s fine by me."
He may have been correct in his assessment that he wouldn't win the US Open, but he did go out fighting. He came back from one set down to top 22-year-old Marco Cecchinato in the first round and was one game away from pulling out what would have been one of the biggest upsets at this year's US Open. Considering Fish's age and fitness, and all he's dealt with mentally, this was an extremely gusty performance.
It also wasn't anxiety free. He told the press after his first round match:
"Losing that first set obviously I spent a lot of time on the court today telling myself that I'm going to be okay; everything's going to be okay; you're going to be fine. A lot of sort of internal talk. That comes from you just learning from every experience and episode that I have had, struggle that I have had, and what I have worked so hard to get myself to. Three years ago that would have been really tough. I have come a long way and worked really hard with it. I don't take it for granted. I'm glad I got through it."
Fish says that in his retirement he plans to focus on golf and raising his children. He retires having won six ATP titles and made more than $7 million.
He also retires on his own terms rather than having his anxiety force him to never return.
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