This Twitter Thread Explained How The Avengers Would Handle The Capitol Riot
UPDATE: 7:50 p.m. — Much like the Infinity Stones in the “Avengers” movies, the viral Twitter thread showing what the Avengers would have done as a mob assaulted the U.S. Capitol has been destroyed, aka deleted. In an email to HuffPost, thread author Mike DiCenzo said he took down the tweets following toxic responses online.
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A new Twitter thread explains what the Avengers would’ve been doing during the riot incited by President Donald Trump at the U.S. Capitol earlier this month. And you know things are bad when even Thanos has to put out a press statement.
The thread, which is quickly gaining traction online, comes from comedy writer and former “Tonight Show” producer Mike DiCenzo. Just last month, DiCenzo also went viral for explaining how the characters on “Gilmore Girls” would handle COVID-19.
(Rory from Seasons 5-7 would’ve gone to a superspreader party with Logan, if you’re wondering.)
In these new tweets, however, the comedian takes a deep dive into the Marvel Cinematic Universe. What would Thor say if he met the Viking-clad QAnon rioter? Would Iron Man have a nickname for Trump? And how would Ant-Man top the fly meme for Vice President Mike Pence?
As anyone who doesn’t know what Orwellian means would say (i.e. GOP Sen. Josh Hawley), the whole thread is pretty Orwellian. See what your favorite character would do below:
"How the Avengers would respond to the Capitol riot" (a thread)
CAPTAIN AMERICA - tells Falcon, "I fought Nazis once before. They're extremely dangerous." They then see the guy scaling the Capitol wall fall into the shrubs. Falcon: "You sure these are the same Nazis?"— Mike DiCenzo (@mikedicenzo) January 19, 2021
IRON MAN - lands by the guy carrying the podium. Says, "Mind if I borrow this?" then tosses it to Hulk, who swings it like a bat at the mob. Guy: "Hey, that's MY podium!" Iron Man: "Actually it's the Speaker's. And technically, it's a lectern." Then punches him through a wall.
— Mike DiCenzo (@mikedicenzo) January 19, 2021
BLACK WIDOW - enters hotel room where Jack Dorsey is tied up. Rips duct tape off his mouth. Jack: "I'll do anything you want!" BW: "Disable POTUS's Twitter. NOW!" Jack fumbles with his phone. "Done. Anything else?" BW: "Yeah. Trim your beard for God's sake." *tosses him clippers*
— Mike DiCenzo (@mikedicenzo) January 19, 2021
HULK - grabs a selfie stick from one of the guys and beats him over the head with it. Deeming it too small, he grabs another guy's Confederate flag and takes out a whole swath of rioters. He then tosses the flag to Cap, who uses it as a javelin to impale a fleeing Ted Cruz.
— Mike DiCenzo (@mikedicenzo) January 19, 2021
HAWKEYE - hears Iron Man in his earpiece say, "Looks like Orange Julius is tweeting from another account." Hawkeye: "On it." He locks in on Trump through the White House window and fires an arrow, knocking the phone out of Trump's hands. Hawkeye: "Damn that felt good."
— Mike DiCenzo (@mikedicenzo) January 19, 2021
THOR - comes face to face with the Viking guy. Says defensively, "Pfft. What a stupid outfit." Star-Lord: "He's dressed exactly like you." Thor: "Heh, not likely. I don't wear...rabbit hats." Rocket: "It's a raccoon." Thor: "Whatever. The point is - I do NOT look like him."
— Mike DiCenzo (@mikedicenzo) January 19, 2021
(cont'd) Just then, Drax approaches the Viking Guy and casually says, "Hey Thor." Star-Lord shoots Thor a "Told ya so" look. Groot whispers "I am Groot" to Rocket and they both laugh. Thor angrily wields Stormbreaker, and Viking Guy runs off, calling for his mom.
— Mike DiCenzo (@mikedicenzo) January 19, 2021
DR. STRANGE - sees Josh Hawley running down the Capitol hall. Strange opens a time portal and Hawley runs straight into it. We see Hawley tumble out into the year 1984. Wong: "Now *that* is Orwellian." Strange: "No, it's not—has *anyone* actually read that book?"
— Mike DiCenzo (@mikedicenzo) January 19, 2021
SPIDER-MAN - hears Iron Man in his ear say, “Zip-Tie Guy at 3 o’clock. Why don’t you show him how it’s done, kid?” Peter swings across the Rotunda and spots him. He shoots webs around the guy's hands and ankles, hog-tying him. Then joins the rest of his class on their field trip.
— Mike DiCenzo (@mikedicenzo) January 19, 2021
BLACK PANTHER - as rioters chant "Let us in!" at the Capitol door, they're suddenly drowned out by a louder "Yibambe!" chant led by T'Challa. When the two groups converge, one white woman asks if the Jabari "have a permit," and another accuses M'Baku of stealing her cellphone.
— Mike DiCenzo (@mikedicenzo) January 19, 2021
WINTER SOLDIER - While easily fending off a mob, Captain America says, "I actually *can* do this all day." He then spots Bucky Barnes amongst the rioters, wearing a QAnon shirt. Cap says, "Oh no. He got brainwashed again."
— Mike DiCenzo (@mikedicenzo) January 19, 2021
ANT-MAN - he's tasked with leading the members of Congress out of the fray. He shrinks down and lands in Mike Pence's hair to direct him and the others to safety. A photo of this goes viral, as people think the Debate Fly returned.
— Mike DiCenzo (@mikedicenzo) January 19, 2021
CAPTAIN MARVEL - The Squad confronts the guy in Pelosi's office and demands he give back her mail, "or we'll take it back." Guy: "You and what army?" Then, Captain Marvel, Gamora, Scarlet Witch, Valkyrie, and every other female MCU character descend into the room one by one.
— Mike DiCenzo (@mikedicenzo) January 19, 2021
Ahead of the Nov. 3 presidential election, Trump’s own team compared him to Thanos. But as the Mad Titan himself might say, this PR move seems “inevitable.”
THANOS - sends out a tweet distancing himself from Trump.
— Mike DiCenzo (@mikedicenzo) January 19, 2021
Neal Kirby, the son of Captain America co-creator Jack Kirby, recently condemned the Capitol attackers for wearing superhero apparel during the riots. Kirby called photos of the rioters corrupting his father’s imagery “disgusting and disgraceful.”
With that in mind, DiCenzo’s take seems like a more accurate depiction of how superheroes would react. In addition, as HuffPost editor Alexander Eichler points out, War Machine still has nothing to do ... which is also pretty accurate.
This article originally appeared on HuffPost and has been updated.