Starbucks’ Unicorn Frappuccino is a candy-colored nightmare

If My Little Pony had an official drink, it would probably be Starbucks’ (SBUX) new Unicorn Frappuccino. There’s no caffeine or coffee in the drink, which means it’s likely targeted at children. If so, if you see any parents buying this for their little ones, call child protective services immediately. There’s enough sugar in this thing (59 grams in a grande) to have anyone of any age bouncing off the walls of classrooms, offices, or retirement homes.

I didn’t see any parents with kids among the 30 or so people in line at the busy Midtown Manhattan location where I procured a few Unicorn Frapps for Yahoo Finance’s morning show, “Market Movers.” Nor did I see anyone else purchasing them. It was just me, and I would soon find out why. This sugar bomb calorie-laden disaster made me want to take a trip to the dentist after taking my first (and last) swig. Yahoo Finance’s Rick Newman and Alexis Christoforous weren’t fans, either.

In this unholy combination of sugar, fat, and food coloring, Starbucks says, “Magical flavors start off sweet and fruity transforming to pleasantly sour. It’s finished with whipped cream-sprinkled pink and blue fairy powders.” I wouldn’t use the word “pleasant” to describe the experience of consuming this mess. If you want “pleasant,” order your usual Grande Caramel Macchiato. Or better yet, skip the trip and save yourself $5. You’ll be glad you did.