Yahoo Finance The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City recap: Raise your meatball
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No feeling marks the end of a Real Housewives reunion quite like realizing that you enjoy everyone just a little bit less than you did when the reunion started. Yes, our little Salt Lake City girls are all grown up — and true terrors, each and every one of them.
During the last five minutes of this reunion, I was sure that there was going to be a surprise "Reunion, Part 4" coming next week. Because how could we possibly recover from an explosive conversation about race that led Jen to flee the stage into Coach Shah's pep-talking arms with only five minutes to go? And yet, the next thing I knew, the whole crew was back together again, toasting meatballs as Lisa and Heather volleyed to get the punnier toast in, despite absolutely no one asking them to do that.
In fact, Lisa and Heather refusing to wait for the appropriate, Andy-approved segment in which to argue with one another was a surprising theme that persisted throughout all three reunion installments. Add that onto the shock of Jen and Mary being this reunion's most successful reconciliation story, Heather and Jen becoming its most endangered friendship, and the news that the Housewives franchise perhaps saved a marriage rather than ruined one in the form of Meredith and Seth, and you can consider my RHOSLC Predictions Bingo Card a total disaster…
Mary falling asleep in the middle of a screaming match, however? Well, we all saw that coming from a snowy mile away — and yet it didn't make the moment any less sweet. So, let's get into our final episode of season 1, and try not to be too sad about it because you better believe that season 2 is an absolute lock:
ENTER: THE HOUSEHUSBANDS
Oh, I do love a good Househusband segment, and seeing Seth's giant head wheeled out on a giant screen was an unanticipated treat. Robert Sr. is also attending via giant Zoom screen, and I simply must know who taught him how to use a computer. The rest of the husbands are live in the reunion Warehouse, looking mostly dapper, but unfortunately, it seems that John applied his sunless tanner with the same bucket and mop that Lisa did. But he makes up for it by saying hardly a word the entire time he's on stage, one of the most appealing traits a Househusband can have.
The first subject on the table is Robert Sr. and why he's so grumpy. Mary monologues that he's shy and needs to warm up until she feels that he's suitably comfortable and then she allows him to speak. He says that he wants people to understand that he and Mary didn't get married because of money, and that "this grandaddy junk" is stupid. He points out that he married Mary's grandmother when he was 22, and he wasn't a grandaddy or a daddy then. Leading me to believe that Robert Sr. is offended because he thinks people are under the impression he's some sort of… lifelong grandfather? As opposed to people just being fascinated by the idea that he was once the step-grandfather to his now-wife — a fascination that he can pry from my cold, carpal-tunneled hands.
Of course, the real reason Robert is agitated is because of what Jen screamed about their relationship (that Mary f---ed her grandpa), and he doesn't like anyone messing with his wife. This is a pretty standard Househusband take on these Reunion shows, defending one's wife and all. It is not, however, the angle that Sharrieff chooses to take with Jen.
I mean, he definitely says some nice things about Jen, but he's also out here asking people for forgiveness on her behalf, and being straightforward that Jen was in the wrong for a lot of the season, a matter that he says they've discussed. And he's not wrong, but the way that Jen waivers between not being accountable at all when she's on her own, and then being sort of…accountable-by-way-of-chastisement while her husband is on stage is certainly a new and unusual Housewives marriage dynamic.
Sharrieff apologizes to Robert Sr. for what Jen said in the heat of the moment, which Robert Sr. willingly accepts. And when the conversation turns to the rumors that were spread about Meredith and Seth's relationship, Jen just starts weeping, issuing a blanket apology to every marriage that she's been rude about. She says she's sorry to Mary, who's already stated that they're in a good place now, and then specifically to Robert Sr, who says, "That's okay, don't you worry about it, sister." But when she apologizes to Meredith and Seth, there are a few more caveats, mostly that she wasn't trying to be malicious, but she thinks everyone was talking that way about their marriage and she's the one who got all the blame.
This is when Mary, with a clarity I've never seen from her eyes before, turns to Jen and says: "I think that when you get upset, you're really sorry for it because you're a fighter, and you fight with your words… but you don't want to burn a bridge with every single person here when your fight is with Jen." I hope Jen takes those words from Mary — and absolutely no other words from Mary — to heart.
HEATHER VS. LISA, FOR THE FINAL TIME
While the husbands are on stage, Whitney's husband Justin mentions that he got a letter from the Mormon church 10 years ago inviting him to leave and never come back. Andy assumes that's because he got a divorce, but it's explained by Whitney and Justin that it was more specifically because they both "stepped outside of our temple of covenants" when they started their relationship while married to other people.
Lisa, who is still a part of the LDS church, points out that John was divorced before they got married and multiple people in her family are divorced, so "it's okay to get divorced in the Mormon religion." Heather, hackles rising to the very roof of this reunion warehouse, says, "I disagree, but that's my opinion, it's fine."
You guys… it was not fine, and I need to understand what has gone on between these two offscreen that they can barely stand being in the same room together. I've been surprised by how fierce Heather has acted during this reunion — while also seeming to cry through most of it — and in the end, it feels like she let so much go for so long, that she arrived with an arsenal of backlogged complaints that don't all totally make sense to file at this particular moment.
For example, when the topic of Seth and Meredith considering divorce before the show started comes up, and Lisa expresses how glad she is that didn't happen, Heather snaps, "Lisa, you always say divorce is no big deal, but you're so emotional, and you're so invested in Meredith's marriage — this is what divorce is, it's a big deal!" And I have to assume that Heather using the word "always" pretty loosely here? Because we've heard Lisa talk about Heather's divorce exactly once, and it was 10 minutes ago when she mostly seemed to be protecting the public image of her religion, not saying that divorce wouldn't be emotionally taxing on a person going through it.
I really do not like being put in the position of defending Lisa, who is lodged fully up her own butt most of the time, but Heather's anger just feels so outsized, and constant. Lisa tries to respond to Heather that she doesn't discount the pain of her divorce, but Heather just rails through her, saying, "I heard you 10 minutes ago say: divorce is no big deal, move on, everyone is divorced." Does Heather have some sort of Lisa-specific sense deprivation? Is she hearing her words differently than we are? It's all so bizarre and unknowable, that I am going to…
Completely forget it happened until season 2 comes back, at which point I'll be like, "Oh yeah, what the HELL is going on between these two???" I can't wait.
HEATHER VS. JEN, FINALLY
Much more expected is Jen and Heather finally facing off about the tension that erupted between them toward the end of the season. From what we saw, Heather was a consummate friend to Jen for most of the season, even when she flew off the handle and acted ugly toward Heather in the middle of her many outbursts. Eventually, Heather expressed to Jen during a spa day on the set of Deliverance that she felt like Jen didn't appreciate her friendship, and was trying to move on to higher-falutin' pastures with Lisa and Meredith. Jen briefly tried to express her appreciation to Heather, only to fly off the handle again about six hours later and scream at everyone in Las Vegas about… being friends with Whitney? Not being loyal? Saying they were scared of her?
It was never totally clear precisely what set Jen off, but those are the facts the casual RHOSLC viewer is coming into this reunion with. The facts Heather seems to have are dealing in a lot more shadiness.
After multiple references to "horrific, horrible, mean" things that Jen said about her, Andy finally asks Heather to give an example of what kind of things she's talking about. To which Heather says, allegedly quoting Jen: "She buys off the rack at Dress Barn, she thinks she's an actress, but the only role she's going to get is that of a manatee or Shrek … you know you said it, babe."
So…woah! Heather also repeatedly insinuates that she was dealing with the hurt of Jen saying those things when they were together in the hot tubs, but we only heard Heather saying Jen hadn't been appreciating her. So, I really don't understand when these horrible comments came in to play, and I really don't know if Heather is trying to manipulate the timelines a bit, and I really wonder if we could just get a 24/7 camera on these women and have RHOSLC be the first-ever year-round Housewives franchise?
I do know that Jen said she "doesn't remember" saying those comments about Heather, which means she absolutely, 100 percent did.
A NEW ERA OF HOUSEWIVES
But just because Jen has done plenty wrong this season doesn't mean that she isn't entitled to her own pain. And when the topic of Las Vegas comes up, Jen talks about how lonely she was after that trip when it felt like everyone had "labeled" her and written her off. "Mary, you would know, as a woman of color, it means something different to be told, 'don't talk,' and if I try to speak, I'm a bully," Jen says.
In never-before-seen footage, we see the psychic that the women visited on the final day in Vegas telling Jen that the other women clearly see her as a bully and a manipulator, and Jen says a number of times that the woman told her she needed to be quiet. "To be told to do that, I was devastated… that took me back like 30-40 years, that's f---ing PTSD, people don't understand." By this point, Jen is extremely emotional, and Andy asks if the rest of the cast has done anything to make her feel marginalized, and Jen lists them calling her "aggressive" before she's even done anything as an example.
At which point, Heather snaps, "You are aggressive, you're aggressive right now, this is aggressive!" Which, I mean… come on. Just listen to what she's saying and choose a different word. The point is that Heather and Lisa have been aggressive at this reunion too, but labeling them as aggressive doesn't hold the same historical and social connotations as it does for Jen.
From here, things get real messy, real fast, in small part because Jen is so emotional that she can't express herself very clearly, and in larger part because the white women on the opposite side of the warehouse are repeatedly saying that they acknowledge white privilege exists, without really listening to the ways in which Jen is telling them that they benefit from white privilege. Simply not having to carry the historical burden of labels like "aggressive" and "angry" means that Heather can say she'll "cut a bitch," and it's fun and quirky, but if Jen says she'll throw Whitney in a river, and it's considered a threat.
What complicates this much more is that there are once again factors at play that we're not privy to. Heather references being "slandered on social media" by Jen, and Meredith says that "making a racial accusation" is very serious, and it doesn't seem like she's referring to this moment, but some other accusation. Jen says she didn't intend on talking about any of this, but the way Whitney calls Justin the moment Jen storms offstage and says, "Hey, the racist accusations just came up," imply that they expected it.
Jen returns to the stage after a pep talk with Coach Shah and says that she's not saying the other women are wrong, she's just trying to share with them what hurts her as a person of color. "I'm part of the problem because I don't always speak up," she says. "I just think this movement made it possible because people were willing to listen more than ever before." And that's evidenced by the mere fact that the most diverse cast in Housewives history just made their way through a complicated discussion about race, and Bravo aired it, warts and all.
In the end, this reunion was a wild ride through a wild season, even if these Housewives sometimes seemed to be playing 3-D chess with their offscreen disputes, while we stared at a checkers board. So, it is my greatest hope that season 2 films longer, gets on our screens quicker, and finally releases Mary from the trappings of her closet(s). Until then, let's raise a meatball lollipop to the most dramatic first season on record, from the most unexpected city in the franchise, and at the time when we absolutely needed it the most — CHEERS!
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