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How to Handle Tough Co-Workers -- Without Strangling Them

How to Handle Tough Co-Workers -- Without Strangling Them

No one is an island when it comes to work. Keeping your job and being successful partly depends on your ability to collaborate with your co-workers and contribute to your team's success. This sounds easy enough, but for many, co-workers cause more stress and problems than anything else. Maybe you work with a Chatty Cathy or an Always-Late Lester. Perhaps there is a know-it-all on your team who frequently gives unsolicited advice.

Here's how can you work with your difficult co-workers -- keeping in mind that you may be one of them sometimes -- without hitting your head against the wall or wanting to strangle them:

Try to think positively. It's easy to think positively about co-workers you like and get along with. And we often like those people who are most like us in their personalities or skill sets. However, success depends on leveraging the differing strengths people bring to the table, so it's important to at least make an effort to work together effectively.

It's natural to think more negatively of workmates you have a hard time getting along with. Instead of focusing on the negative or what's frustrating to you, try to identify why it's hard to get along with them. Perhaps it's someone who talks too much for your taste or has a different work ethic or personality than you.

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Instead of focusing on their negative traits, try to identify what they bring to your team or workplace. Perhaps Chatty Cathy is great with helping new clients feel at ease, since she's so good at small talk. Maybe Always-Late Lester is able to defuse a crisis when it really matters. Your team will be stronger (and you'll be less frustrated) when you try to see your workmates based on their strengths instead of weaknesses.

Action tip: Make a list of your problem co-workers and why you have a hard time getting along with them. (If you are worried about someone finding the list, use code names.) After that, write down two things each of them contributes to the workplace. This may take some time, so try to pay attention to how those co-workers help around the office throughout the week.

Practice good communication. Many people feel that when a co-worker says or does something that irritates them, it's best to keep silent or to ignore him or her altogether. Yes, sometimes it's appropriate to keep your mouth shut, like if someone says an offensive, inappropriate comment. In that case, talking to your boss and involving human resources would be appropriate.

However, staying silent usually backfires for day-to-day annoyances. Inner emotions could build up as you put off dealing with the situation, and you may end up exploding at an inopportune time. This only makes you look bad.

Instead, try to improve communication with your workmates. When they do a good job on a task, commend them for it. This will make it easier to approach workmates when they do something that affects you negatively.

For example, you could explain to Always-Late Lester how his tardiness affects your ability to start your meetings or a complete a deliverable for a client on time. In this case, it's better to address the situation head-on, in a professional way. First ask him if you can give him feedback or talk to him about a touchy subject. Asking permission to broach a difficult topic can be a great lead in to a tough conversation. It helps diffuse it up front.

If you are emotional about the situation, sleep on it, and choose a time to talk to your workmate when you can speak to him or her calmly.

Action tip: Look for ways to commend the co-workers on your list this week. When one of them does something that gets under your skin, write down what you would like to say to him or her. What would you rather have happen in a similar situation in the future? Don't just address the problem, but also a possible solution.

Try apologizing for the tension between the two of you and offer to clear the air. You may find that this prevents your co-worker from becoming automatically defensive and thus more able to work on a solution.

Focus on the work. Sometimes we focus too much on personal issues, and that prevents us from seeing the big picture. (In a work setting, the big picture is about completing the project at hand.) If you find it difficult to get along with your co-workers, focus your conversations on work projects rather than personal matters.

When Chatty Cathy comes to you with a story, for example, let her know you're working on a tight deadline and need to get back to your project. If your know-it-all workmate wants to tell you how to do your job, steer the conversation toward his current task instead.

Action tip: Think of things you can talk about with your co-workers that are work-related, like a recent client project that was a win for your department. Or start a conversation about creative solutions to a challenge your team is facing. Go back to the bottom line of why you are there in the first place (the task or project at hand), and steer them in that direction, as well.

When you put these tips into practice over the next few weeks, you may find that your relationships with your co-workers improve. If they continue to be strained, you may find that more drastic measures need to be taken, like speaking to your boss.

However, in most cases, when you change the way you react to situations and bring positivity to the workplace, you can find a way to get along with workmates -- no matter how different your personalities.

Hallie Crawford is a certified career coach, speaker and author from Atlanta whose coaching company, HallieCrawford.com, helps people identify their ideal career path, navigate their career transition and nurture their careers. Her team of coaches works with people of all ages, has clients worldwide and has helped thousands of people achieve their career goals. She is also regularly featured as a career expert in the media, including CNN, Fox Business News, The Wall Street Journal, Kiplinger and Forbes.com.



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