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Dax Shepard Recalls the 'Lowest Moment' During His Road to Addiction Recovery: It Was 'Very Scary'

·4 min read

Dax Shepard is continuing to open up about his battle with addiction and journey toward sobriety.

In PEOPLE's exclusive sneak peek at the Parenthood actor's appearance on Blake Griffin's podcast, The Pursuit of Healthiness, the host asks if Shepard had one particular "moment" where he realized his struggles with addiction were "serious."

"In popular television shows and pop culture, we do have this notion of 'a bottom,' but most of the recovering addicts I know, there's multiple, multiple bottoms," begins Shepard, 46. "There's multiple suicidal ideation moments."

"What I would do is I would get sober for movies. I cared more about movies — it was the only thing I was more addicted to was being in movies — and so I would get sober for movies and then in between movies it was getting more and more dangerous," he continues.

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RELATED: Dax Shepard Told Kristen Bell to Drug Test Him If She Ever Felt 'Nervous' After His Relapse

Jason Merritt/Getty Dax Shepherd

During one of those "in-between" times, Shepard says he went on a trip to Hawaii with a friend where they did "all kinds of super dangerous things," including smoking meth. Afterward, the star ended up in a San Francisco airport bar waiting for his flight back to Los Angeles.

"I'm so physically sick from this week in Hawaii that I'm not even going to be able to get on that plane unless I get like a good 6 or 7 Jack and Diets in me," he recalls. "So I'm at the bar and I'm just pounding Jack and Diets and there's a mirror next to me — and I'm also paranoid someone from AA is going to see me because I had been sober before — so I'm like tucked into the corner of this bar, I'm so afraid someone's going to see me."

"I'm about to start a movie and make the most amount of money I've ever made in my life, people in Hawaii recognized me, I'm now famous," Shepard says. "I have every single thing I've ever wanted, and I'm at my lowest point emotionally and something has got to be very broken about that. If I have everything I said was going to make me feel good and I feel terrible, I've got to look at some other thing."

Taylor Hill/Filmmagic

He goes on to say that having "everything" and still feeling low was the "scariest place" to be in.

"I think a lot of us, we tell ourselves 'oh yeah I'm miserable, but that's because I didn't get that promotion, if I get that promotion man, I'm gonna have a ski boat, life's gonna be great … If I get that girl, if I get this,'" Shepard says. "All these things, you're kind of justifying your misery because you don't have this thing — well I had the luxury of getting all that s--- and it wasn't it."

He adds, "That's actually about the scariest place you can be. Because I had been low like that before and I didn't have anything so I was like 'oh it's just because I don't have anything. If I get this s---, I won't feel this way,' Well I got the s--- and I still felt that way and that's very scary."

RELATED VIDEO: Dax Shepard Says He Was 'Terrified' to Go Public with His Relapse: I Had 'Bizarre Fears'

RELATED: Dax Shepard Says He Told Daughters the 'Whole Thing' About His Relapse: 'Daddy Was a Bad Boy'

Shepard, who shares daughters Lincoln, 8, and Delta, 6, with wife Kristen Bell, has frequently spoken out publicly about his battle with addiction.

Last year, he revealed he had relapsed after 16 years of sobriety on the Sep. 25 episode of his Armchair Expert podcast, in which he explained that he used painkillers following a motorcycle accident. The episode was recorded on Sep. 21, when Shepard was seven days sober.

On the podcast, Shepard said he began purchasing his own pills after breaking his hand in an ATV accident and also suffering multiple injuries during a separate motorcycle accident last year. He then began lying to the people around him, which he said helped him realize that he needed to quit.

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A month after Shepard's initial confession, Bell told Ellen DeGeneres that her husband was "doing great."

"He is actually doing really great. ... Everybody is up against their own demons," she said during an appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show. "Sometimes it's anxiety and depression. Sometimes it's substance abuse."

Shepard's full interview on The Pursuit of Healthiness with Blake Griffin premieres Thursday, May 20 exclusively on Audible.

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 or go to suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, please contact the SAMHSA substance abuse helpline at 1-800-662-HELP.

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