Alec Baldwin has been personally tormented after he accidentally shot and killed cinematographer Halyna Hutchins in October on the set of the upcoming film Rust, describing in an interview on Thursday how he has been having nightmares about guns and would have considered suicide if he thought he was responsible.
“I have dreams about this constantly now. I wake up constantly where guns are going off,” he told ABC’s George Stephanopoulos in a conversation aired on Thursday. “I haven’t slept for weeks. I’ve really been struggling physically. I’m exhausted from this.”
The actor was visibly shaken recounting his experience on set, breaking into tears multiple times as he expressed his admiration for Ms Hutchins.
“I might have killed myself if I thought I was responsible, and I don’t say that lightly,” Baldwin said, adding that, “I couldn’t give a s*** about my career anymore.”
During his Thursday interview, the actor described how, prior to the shooting, making Rust with dedicated professionals like the deceased cinematographer had rekindled his love of filmmaking after a long and draining career.
“So help me God, this made me love making movies again,” he said.
Soon, however, that joy would turn into grief.
Baldwin has asserted that he never pulled the trigger on the unexpectedly live prop gun that ultimately killed Ms Hutchins and wounded the film’s director Joel Souza; however, during his interview, he described in detail his recollection of how the gun went off on the New Mexico film set anyway.
“I’m holding the gun where she told me to hold it,” he said, before describing how he pulled back and later released the hammer of the gun and a shot rang out.
Authorities are still investigating how live rounds ended up on the set of Rust, and how they were loaded into what crew members thought was a “cold” gun.
“You’ve had hundreds of hundreds of millions of bullets fired on the sets of films and TV shows, and four or five people were killed,” Baldwin told ABC. “Those deaths are tragic and abhorrent. Believe me, I would do anything in my power power to undo what was done. But I don’t know how that bullet arrived in that gun. I don’t know. I’m all for doing anything that would take us to a place where this won’t happen again.”