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Overdue Idea: Wardrobe Auditor (and personal shopper)

THE ISSUE: Spring is coming (eventually it really will, according to science), and you’re thinking wardrobe revival. The Levi’s are looking done, and you’ve had the same rotation of shirts for as long as you can remember. You’re no fashion expert and you don’t have a sister-in-law with good taste, but you hit the mall and hope for the best.

Banana Republic feels like the right vibe, but the pants feel too tight and look too loose. Is boot cut still in, if it ever was? Shirts are on sale, but are they just the leftovers from last year? The store is packed, and you’re temperature is rising. You’ve got about 5 minutes before you become a sweat ball in unpurchased clothes.

You panic and buy newer versions of what you already have. But that’s okay, because you’re about substance rather than style. And that excuse can hold up until next year, right?

THE VICTIMS: For some, new clothes time is about renewal and image improvement. For a bunch of us, though, (and yes, this is probably a guy thing) it’s something that has to be endured, kind of like taxes. Of course, if you make a mistake on your taxes, you’ll get an audit. A bad shopping trip can leave you in self-image deficit for a year (FYI, dryers can’t fix baggy pants. You’re just screwed there).

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The fact is, some people just aren’t blessed with fashion sense. And the stores aren’t exactly set up to help you get what you want. Malls are crowded, clerks aren’t always helpful, and the mannequins always seem to be wearing three shirts layered on top of each other, which is not weird. And the change room mirrors are made of beer goggle glass – you look great in the store, but when you get home, you wonder what you were thinking.

Going online is no good, because you’re just going to get a box of stuff you haven’t tried on and will be difficult to return.

When you need help with taxes, you go to H&R Block. For the shopping challenged, we need an equivalent.

THE FIX: If your address says ‘Bridle Path’ on it, you probably have a personal stylist. The Wardrobe Auditor would be like a once-a-year discount version of that, for someone who just needs a little bit of advice.

Your auditor would do an annual or seasonal consult, taking your measurements and sifting through your closet, doing a hard-target search for bad clothes that you shouldn’t be wearing. Bye-bye fading polo shirts and cargo shorts. And chuck the white socks, unless you’re going to the gym. She’d basically put together a book on you, spelling out what works and what doesn’t.

At the end of it all, she could give you a shopping list. For an extra fee, the auditor could do the shopping for your, if you really can’t face the trip out to Yorkdale.

Fashion is one of those areas where a little piece of advice can go a long way. And a friendly ‘that shirt really doesn’t work with those pants’ can save you from countless days of looking in the mirror and hating what you see.