Overdue Idea: New airline class - Dignity

THE ISSUE: Half way through the five-hour west coast flight, the food cart finally makes its way back to your seat. Through the fog of your glucose-deprived brain, you squint at the menu card and examine your “dining options.” You settle on the ham and swiss baguette and reach for your credit card, anticipating the satisfying crinkle of tearing cellophane.

“We’re all out,” the flight attendant says with robotic brevity that tells you she’s been delivering this good news story for while. She takes pity on you with an extra two-pack of cookies and a free refill of warm Diet Sprite.

THE VICTIMS: Economy class is no picnic (literally, because picnics have tasty food), but we endure it because we want long-distance air travel and we want it cheap. So we consent to being crammed into a metal tube with somebody else’s elbow jammed into our ribs, some kid’s foot in our lumbar, all while foregoing the complimentary booze that our ancestors drank while they toasted the miracle of flight.

And we know that up at the front it’s a completely different story. But hey, they paid for it, so they get the big seat and great meal, right?

Maybe, but there’s economics, and then there’s plain old classism. And nothing screams classism more than that little curtain that separates economy and business like a big middle finger. We need to lose the middle finger and get some middle ground.

THE FIX: Some airlines offer “Economy Plus”, which usually means you get a couple of extra inches of legroom. Well, forget the legroom, because floor space is the most precious commodity on a plane. We’re going for a better experience here, a higher-end experience, and a palm-width of foot space ain’t gonna cut it. Instead, we’re going for the little things, the small touches that really separate the up-front experience from the cattle car.

“Dignity Class” would look like regular economy, with the same sardine-sized width seats and nonexistent legroom. But apart from that, it would be elegance all the way: the first-class meal, served on a plate that’s actually a plate, and with cutlery that doesn’t snap when you try penetrate the granite butter pat. Maybe a toiletries kit, with toothpaste and cologne, and a toothbrush with soft bristles that leave some enamel. And booze. Free booze! And that snarl from the flight attendant? It’s only because you blurted out the wrong wine pairing for the filet mignon.

Of course, this comes with a cost. But really, we’re talking a high-end TV dinner, a few drinks, and storage space for some plates. Maybe some cloth napkins, and a little metal set of wings you can stick on your shirt pocket. See how easy it is? If it adds 15 percent to the cost your ticket, but promises you the experience you’ve dared not yearn for, would you pay it? Sure you would.

And those feet still burrowing into your lumbar? Close your eyes and use your imagination. A massage chair, maybe? Sure, that could work…